nothing

wow, its been a while right... ahaha
i know because now im stuck with something better than this :)
but i won;t tell anyone about it.. :P

hey i have been missing him alot, i still cant accept the
fact tat he just ignore me with any fucking reason and just
left me as if im just a heartless girl. cant he see tat i like
him, isnt it obvious??

if i could,if i dare i will just tell him how much he mean to me
and how much his existence(spelling) effect my days???

its a short emo post.till next time then :0

continue.

okey, so i was so suffering here in this college, altho some
of them are hard to loose. but seriously i cant stand any longer
with their stupid thought of people. i dont understand.

they can say wat they want to, no matter hw offended it might be.
as long as they SAID it. like so wtf. just because of they are our
so-called-teaching-us doesnt mean u can say some stupid nonsense.
don;t u think so. ahh pathetic. i dont know why they can live until
this age. with their stupid thinking, so character, so attitude.
wondering HOW they can survive :(

and another thing, i wonder why people get angry over something that
has nothing to with them, and suddently accusing (spell?) people
over it, just because they are being such an asshole for calling
others to help them, but end up knowing that it wasnt serious.
okey, maybe it might be pissing off jokes, but come on, we told u
already, just after 5mins. ? and why are u the one who is really2
pissed off.? and why are calling someone to do watever. maybe because
u're a pathetic loser. and indeed. im very sure. well, suddently came and
yelled at me, while im not the only person who involves in the case,
u're suppose to think. and to make sure things are real. come on L,
u sucks. seriously. can't imagine why i had feelings for such a loser
like u. and not proud of being urself is one of the things that i started
to realise that u are such a loser. haha.
and im thankful that i finally realize that u're what i thought u were.
haha pathetic. pathetic . comparing me with some was way to stupid.
i dont want to be compare who is better, and im not like that P,
and i dont need to be like P, bcos im way better being me. haha
P isnt so. so.. so .. easy to say. i dont want to be P. :)
u can say hw cool P might be, but i won;t be P, and not the same with
P. its ok u can keep P. hahahahha i mean U, not THEM. hahaha


and okey next is, i think, im really being racist towards chinese, if they
are any chinese to read this (which i know they wont) but just in case,
im sorry don't mean u guys, just people that i know. :) hahaha that
is not all, but some. i don't know why u people always think u guys are
the one who is only right, in everything. i admit that u guys are quite
CLEVER, but personality oh so not. style no? haha im nt saying myself style
or wat,just that don't talk about people when u don;t know it urself.
just being so clever so what. and keep asking why malay this, malay that?
haha when i listen to malay song, u will be like "urgh pls, i can't listen
to this" but when u open YOUR song, its kinda stupid, and i really CAN"T STAND
it. but still u pay for the room aswell, i can't say like u did. ahh
and u keep on saying u do this do that, what about me, i never? ahhh
i can't describe my feelings toward YOU cause its really hard to explain.


exam, exam. i can do, but im not sure whther its right or wrong. so.
its quite hard for me because they cant accept the way i act, so they
misjudge me but putting on their own judge. so they JUDGE,just because
i hang out with some guys which none of them are my boyfriend, just because i
laugh with them,and talk some bullshit with them, so they started to think
"OH SHE IS THIS KIND OF PERSON" do i need to be hyporcrite? (spelling)
just because i want u people to like me? hahhaahah NO WAY!

i hate it

for me life is about what people think of u,
eventho sometimes i feel this is none of my business,
u can say watever u want with whoever u want.
But that isnt always what i felt whenever people said something
about me. im very pissed off with this one lecturer in my college.
Attending his class is like commiting suicide. Seriously, i hate
him to the bottom of my heart that he is one of the people who i hate
the most in my whole life. Being so-called -mr-know-everything is making
him "so proud of himself". Who do u think u are? where u study again?
AUSTRALIA,UK, AMERICAN? and yea,u think u are ALL THAT, but the fact
is ure just a stupid people that thinks u know everything and u cantell everything. i just can say "HAHA" saying lame things and being so-nice with only the people
that is CLOSE AND BE UR SLAVE,AND DO WHATEVER U SAY is so not me.
i just cant seem hw can u be a lecturer when ure mind is like.....
SO LAMEEEEE, SO OLD.. SO PATHETIC!!!!!

so what if i smoke? so what if i hang out? i still come and study, and do my
best on the exam, and who are to judge by attitude. eventho im spoil but still
i do my task, like everyone, still they do mistake, i did mistake, why im
the only person u complaint? why my attitude is the worst.



FUCK FOR U!! cont later

so so. nothing to do. again blogging. wth

today i got tips from miss linda for my introduction of hospitality industry.
yeap. so i study a bit,then end up HANA YORI DANGO! :D

i think Boys Over Flower is Better, altho MATSUMOTO still hot,but sorry
darl, i choose LEE MIN HO. (xsure what his name) hehe

thankGod,i watched hana yori dango first then only boys over flower,
bcos after i watched boys over flower i found out JAPANESE version is not
so good, hehe before i thought AWW the best drama . hehehe

and went out with elyas after sungke, and then dyed my hair BLACK.
ahhh . wat the hell, idk that in hospitality industry we can't coloured
our hair, and if u are malay. haha if u're intersional,maybe korean,
its ok for u to colour ur hair. pathetic aite. BITCHESS. i mean the asshole
guys whom i hate the most. AGAIN GUYS! :D

and elyas cut my hair. so here goes my new ugly-cute- hair. kekekeke

final

final exam is just in few days :( i havent study ALL. ive been very lazy.
idk why. maybe because of the so-hot-kch or becos of im TOO lazy.
i get my practical,theory,assignment result and its nothing to be proud
of bcos of my stupidity. wtever.

i can't wait for hari raya. bcosss im going to be with the whole family
and its the end of ramdhan. i think,lately, theres been some changes in me.
(just let it be a secret ok) haha.

i dont know why i blog? since i said i don't wanna blog anymore. hehe

having my ramadhan in kch makes me gain weight. haha

ok, i think i'll stop here. im sleepy already. hehe

p/s: i don't wanna go back to genting and sit for my final.

recently,im not in the mood of blogging.
and i think i dont want to write anymore longer.
its a waste of time. but sometimes i like it.
but now,facebook better :)

im not in the mood of doing anything these days,
maybe i might say since i start my college.
College is sometimes damn interesting bt sometimes
i just feel wanna go back to when im just sitting at
home doing nothing,college is a very damn tiring place.

class,assignment,homework,friends,love ones,party,chefs,
lecturers. everything is so so tiring~!!!!

i just hope i could turn back the time on not think to
much about everything.


SINCE NOWcan make me happy except for being in kuching home sweet home.

why do i have to love and then hurt. why i cant love someone
that show me his love. why i choose someone who don't love me,
and just always pissing me off and a jerk..Maybe because of that
im in love with him.Im with this guy but in love with This other
guy.i dont know my life is so damn difficult.i tried to let him out
of my mind and never let him back in my mind.but i can't. to hard
for me.im really2 trully inlove with him. i cant do anything.
everytime im with him,i feel like i dont want any other guys. i just
want him to hold me,talk to me and hold my hands. But actually i tried
to avoid him,wont go everytime he calls.but i can't. something will
make me come to him.why things have to be like this? its really hard
for me to accept.I've been heartbroken since ever! why should i like
someone which i am very sure won't end up with me?im sick of this feelings.
sick of things that never right with me,unfair all the time.But none of
that makes me blame ALLAH. i know he loves me and always give me this
kind of difficult things so i can learn and be more mature.

but seriously im really upset

i think

now,nothing is getting better,everything seems to be to the worst
each day. everyday new bad news,bad news and bad news.
im rememberin my school days constantly nowdays.i just miss it.
now,everything seems harder each day. i cant take control on everything.
I dont understand why so hard.

i like him damn much. and i dont like this feelings. he's not mine and
never will be mine. but why he's in my mind. and making me so high when
he was with me. i cant accept the fact that he has gf and im just a
girl that have no feelings to him. he makes me likes him so much,but then
he just left. wtf. he gives me hope on him,and give me the life to live
in this college but then.wtf. he crash it. i cant seem to understand myself.
why i like him. he's nothing better than anyone. eiu. :P

i have to get him out of my mind. hehehe.
yes yes. i have too. he's discusting :)

sorry for myself

i know ive been spending money alot since i became
so-called student.im sorry mom and dad. i dont know what
i do with my money. FOODS la ! :(

well,ive decided not to have many friends. but i cant avoid
them,and when i have a chance then i cant control myself.
it is as if,i really need them in my daily life.why so?
even myself dont get it.

ive been very busy and tired. and i dont know what ive been doing
sometimes i love my college life,but sometimes i dont. it makes
me thinks to much of everything. and make me migraine most of
my days.. shit, but life must go on :)

IM STRONG!!! FIGHTING.

oh yea. oh i have fun with the koreans,they are very nice,indeed,
very cute, and funnY!

aww i need to stop loving,thinking,liking and missing YOU!

cio!

i think my life is becoming more pathetic each day.
everything seems so to be so irritating and fuckers. i dont know
but im really not feeling so good this few days,i dont have luck
with guys i just need to be simple minded and dont think heavily
on everything. but i cant.i cant do anything im so useless and unlucky.
just me and everythings on me. seriously it does. im so tired of being
a such loser,and patient and cannot say anything to stand myself.
everything seems so FUN for everyone to push and ask me to do things,
bcos its really hard for me to complaint but wat i can do? NOTHING.!
exactly nothing.im so naive and so weak to stand by my own,or to
protect myself.i always depends on people to help me,to give me courage
to go on with this pathetic life,and this,i have to change my way of
living a life,i need to do something else,to gain something and to make
somethings better for myself,family and everyone.
i need to stop being a very concern about what people think and how
to please them. watthe hell. this kind of situation never stop
bothering me. stop thinking about wat he.she feels&thinks about me.
its just so pathetic of me. the part that i hate the most.why i bother
so much about them,they are nothing but just a drive-thru in my life.
for the worth it one,then its okey. im so stress nowdays. and everyday
in a badmood,bad things came one by one,and really pissed me off.
im annoying and bitchy why they still calling me? still need me all the
time.?? i cant understand why u gives me hope,and make me smile but
in the end u just say "dont take it something else,this is not feelings"
hey? come on,telling me not to do this,not to do that,dont go there,
dont go with him,dont forget me,and take care,where are u,why are u mad?,
why u avoiding me,why u never reply. arghh everything are dam bullshit.
maybe yes,indeed u dont have feelings for me,but then why u have to act
like u care,and then telling me u want this girl and u like her, and
u want to be with her and bla.bla.bla but in the same time,u cannot let me
go.although we're not in relationship,still i have to be with u all the
time,calling me,and never stop complaining about i go out with other guys,
and telling all the guys are bad,and telling me all the negative stuff about
what people think !! arghhh u just giving me headache.if u have someone u
like why i cant be with someone i like??!!!



F for YOU .

p/s: still no pictures to upload :)

its a curse.

indeed. its a curse for me.

why is it everytime i like someone,it will be either he;s getting
married,or our relationship didnt last long.
is it a curse??? or its just me that is annoying and not the
type that can be a GIRLFRIEND.
i know i sound desperate,but seriously,why it happen to me?

when i heard tat he's getting married,i was damn frustrated.
and my heart said "IT HAPPEN AGAIN".

but then i think its okey,maybe sooner or later i'll be used to
it,and wont cry if i get dumped. indeed.

aa,i know ive updating much lately,its not that im not busy or
what just that,i need to release something from my mind.
i dont like to keep it to myself because nobody ought to know.

if they do,i'll be.______.

i went to one utama today. finally i went out with girls. :)
actually a girl. alice from korea. we go Jalan2 and eat at johny;s
and secret recipe and buy something for class.

it was nice.
a day to remember.

today damn exhausted seriously,super dupa exhausted.

tc
SAYONARA~

RESPECT

TELL ME ISIT TO HARD TO RESPECT OTHERS?

u can joke but there's a limit for jokes.
and iam sure that u know bcos u're an adult
already.

we respect u,so u have to do the same.

NOT,that u want people to respect u,but u dont do the same.

suddently telling people LAME,OFFENDED stuff,im very sure
even people without feelings also will get offend by u.

seriously.


and to YOU,damn i like u man. hahaha

i pass my test. not excellent but i pass.
kinda frustrated. i wasnt 100%ready since i had migraine.

so forget about it,i shall do better next test. i wish.

today was a very exhausted day for me. i wake up at 12pm
wash my clothes and clean my room,and shower and 1pm
i went to the canteen and had my lunch until 140pm.
i rush back to room,and pack up my things for basic
cookery and i went to kitchen unfortunately,there was
nobody. damn. i went to the college lobby only then i met
my group and we went in the kitchen together.

chef song wasnt there,and chef calvin took over the class.
wahh,scary :) but it was fun,he cook pasta for us. hehe
we made tomato paste,pumpkin soup,and potato soup.
i was very slow at turnin the potato. okey *i dont know wats
the exact word . ehehe. after the class finished we have to
clean up the kitchen and those fuckers didnt clean up after the
fucking eat the food and just leave it there,i was the only
person left in the kitchen,and before ched calvin yell at me,
better i just do it,so i did. gahh damn,it was 5.something and
i had to rush go to the frenz cafe,bcos i promised mr.matt to help
him with the event. and i was late,but he was okey. and again,
i regret promising him :P bcos i was damn tired,and im not so
good in f&b skills. and i was scolded so fucking lots of times.
damn. i was fucking hungry and tired.
still tomorrow i need to go,even the day after.

so,let me tell something about this college,when i talk to the seniors,
they said this college sucks bcos they LOVES to gossip people damn much.
well,come on,get a life,its COLLEGE,an intersional. not some public
collge or wat.. i have a bestfriend,and we are quite close. and the
people in college keep on gossiping us. WE'RE not couple okey.
BESTFRIEND. get me. so people cant do anything that might get poeple's
attention because in a minute,everyone will know. and seriously KNOW!

im kinda pissed off by it, but wat to do,there's no turning back .
i just have to get thru it. indeed.

and one more thing, here, the lecturer is really2 cool,extremely cool,
but in times,their jokes is really2 hurting. and im fucking hurt sometimes,
but still they are some kind of damn cool :)

okey i talk to much. i will upload some pics later,i dont know why the hell
im too lazy recently. hahhaha

stupid.

now im so tense wit everything.
im not yet ready for my test,
altho me and musa study together a while ago,but we end up
talking about our life. and it was kinda intersting.
he's damn funny . haha. so after i go thru 3chapter
i still didnt gain anything,just a simple things like,
what's protein,and fats and cultural cookery. damn hard.

im currently having migrain and it pressure me lots more,
theory of food is damn hard and why i only know that we will
be having progress test tomorrow??damn you!! arghh..
i check out my schedule the progress test was suppose to be
on week8 which is another 4weeks more. mr.david is a nice
person so i cant talk bad things about him -_-.

so far,things are going steady but just lots of things to
think,and lots of stuff happening in the collge,where as
rumors spread in a minute,haha. i admit that i do love
gossips but sometimes its kinda annoying when poeple keep
on telling diff kind of stories.

also,here we party alot. seriously A LOT. but it was fun tho,
but classes :( so tired . im thankful that i stay in the hostel
so its easy for me to got back and sleep at break time,i dont
need to wake up 1hour early to get ready and walk to college,
BUT,one fuckup thing about this hostel is,a lot of insects i MEAN it.
butterflies,ants,lizards and etc.other than that everything is good.
seriously,NO CURFEWS,yes to smoke,drink,simply say no rules.

its not a huge college like other colleges,yet everything is very
cool,because we can easily get to know people here,easily get close
with seniors,hang out and everything.


i have lots more to talk about,but i couldnt find a suitable words,
i think im done for now,i need to sleep and wake up early in the morning
and study a bit (if i can) and got class at 9am and boom,
its F&B skills :((


nitenite

bitch

hehe..

i said bitch constantly since i came to genting inti.
maybe bcos some of my guy friends are bitches. haha

they keep saying themselves bitch too.
now is the weekend and damn im bored.

i went out with our cool-lecturer mr.matt.to watch movie
at highlands with all the seniors.(okey im the only batch29)
went by skyway and by the time our movie finishd there's no
more bus,and we have to wait for the next bus after 2hours30mins.
crazy isnt it? but it was fun tho.

i realize that im not good with the girls really,i feel uncomfortable
talking to them,maybe because they didnt really talk. i found out
that im really comfortable around the guys,altho i have no feelings
towards them and so do they.. the girls is like way diff from me.seriously.
altho we have somethings in common but still UNCOMFORTABLE.

we watched night at the muzium 2(fuck i dont know hw to spell) hahahaha.
it was quite fun but i found out that i am the middle of sleeping
people chris and denise. and when the movie ends. only 3 out of 14
of us watch the movie,other die already . hahaha

we went back at 530 and reach college around 6am. dam tired.
and i promise musa to go to genting with him,and IM SO SORRY.
i cant.im Fucking damn sleepy. ha ha ha. sorry dude.

assignments.arghh well the first week i have 2assignments.groups asignments.
it gives me the tense bcos i know nothing about assignments and presentation,
maybe because i didnt come to the orientation on the 1st week.

thanks to the vietnam's friends they help me a lot with the assignments
since they are my seniors and they know better arent they.:)
with my groups killing me,atleast alice help a lot,but NOT THE
STUPID MOTHERFUCKING LEADER OF THE FUCKING GROUP. arghh.
i dislike him like hell! he was nice for a second,last time i can understand
him,i mean hws his attitude. but now,oh i cant. im damn pissed and full
of hatred. damn he's fucking annoying.

i prefer staying in the hostel,but if i do,i will die for starving and
my friends always call when im nOT boring haha. overoll,college is
FUN,with diff kind of people and lots of serious and annoying girls.
haha and GUYS too.

i think i wanna cont my sleep. hehe i sleep alot. too lazy to go out
and eat. hah. take care xoxo


I MISS FARAH :(

-blank-

i know its been a while since i post something.
really,i dont know what to say and to story here.
but i feel like writting/posting :) frankly
i get online very often and so out of idea what to
do while im online,but then... i forgot about blogs. :P
and just today i remember. hahaha.

though,NO people actually reading this blog but i dont
give a damn actually :P

so,so far the college is quite fun.and quite boring sometimes.
but ive been really2 extremely fucking busy. with friends and clases.

today i went to laundry,(thanks to my lovely roomate leyteng,teaches me
how to do the laundry myself) and today i bring my other friends and this
time,im the one who's telling them how to actually use the machine :).
after laundry went to KFC,awww. Abg Najib blanja we all. he's very nice.

IM FUCKING FULL. :)

so i have foreign friends from indonesia,vietnam,korean,kazakh,and etc.
:) most of them are seniors. so we seldom talk just sometimes :)

i went for my seniors band practice.they are all from indonesia,and
"quite good looking" but not available :))

so i sometimes sings too :)

i have pics but in my phne so im too lazy too upload now .
and YEA,CAMP WAS EXTREMELY DAMN NICE.



adiosssss..

holla

oh im feeling so tired and sick now.
ive been feeling so fucking lame recently.
what to do life is fucking hard.
to trust and to be trust.what the hell.
all my friends are guys and i dont know what
to do.. but they are fucking nice hehe
mm

okey guess what im currently "seing" someone.
but.. fuck. guys are soo fuck up.
i found out that he was texting everyone and sayin
stuff that is unacceptable for any gf in the world.
whatthehell.
tell me,that dislike sms-ing but the he's been texting
lots of girls and NOT me. hell to you.

but i guess im into other guys too.but atleast im not
love-ing someone else. huh.


okey im feeling so fuckin tired and exhausted and lazy :)

i have to go

im going to commit suicide soon .sorry

the topic title was given due to the picture
of my beloved boyfriend.



this pic really gives me the feeling to commit suicide
a.s.a.p.... its not fair. i can even see the women's boobs.
despite i cant see the nipple im stil fucking pissed.
i cant accept this picture,matsumoto jun seen to much. :(
obviously,he can see the NIPPLE clearly and its not fair.
he can only see mine

and there was this picture. the girl was sitting ON him.
that pissed me off badly and im going to lose my patient
if i keep on looking at it.im so damn jealous.

why?nande?

im going to cry and MAYBE commit suicide if i cant cheer
myself up today. going back to college today.got placement
and public speaking tomorrow. im nervous .

i had a very busy weekend la :)

oh farah. CANT WAIT TO SEE U SOON!!!
june siklamak gik owww..yoh.klak tido rumah kamek :) yeye
love youu....

hello

im in college already :) got a lot to tell ,but im out
of words. :D i have around 50++ classmates and most of them
are chinese korean and indian and there's this one guy and me
are the only malays . right now,my friends are only guys,
the girls were aiyaa just 1,2 okey. i sound like chinese these
days. ahahha. i love my roomate TENG so much,she help me with
everything .. haha. and today we had a very tiring activities yet
its quite Fun actually.

oh oh. there's this one lecturer who's really HOT. he has dilip's
eyes la. and im very sure that i will always attend his class
hehehe. he sounds like dilip and in fact his also an indian,but not
sure la,he's a singh or hindu :D his name is Mr.Alex. and not sure
what he;s gonna teach. hhehe

i have a few friends here. hahaha just TENG,DONNA,SAUQUIN,MOON,BIOU*cant
really pronounce his name,NASH,NAJIB,DAVIN.

but im starting to like it here. :D hahaha.

Now,i am missing elyas so damn much. i need my brother. :(
i miss my nephews and nieces so much i wnna kiss them la
i miss my SAKAI sister also.
i miss my MOM and DAD.

i just been missing lots of peoples la. hahaha

i will update later. Nash is coming now. :D

*blank

oh no! this is scary :) lol.
im going to start cllge soon. this SATURDAY.
aish.. though,my class start on 18thMay but
they said i have to go to the orientation or stuff.
haha.

went to the college yesterday register and stuff.
im the only Muslim for this intake. :( my roomates
is chinese i think. didnt get a chance to talk yet.

oh yea,im going to GIIC.genting inti intersional college.
lol. ahah. its gonna be so far from town. and i can easily
go to genting .hahha.

i cant imagine myself la.

yesterday also went to Kl tower. (1st time) haha..
its been years since i live in semanjung :) haha

okey then.
tc ahaha



CALL ME GAI .;P